


House Care

by Menolly



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack Fic, Gen, Gratuitous product placement, House's couch, Humour, Meta Fic, Sick!Wilson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-25
Updated: 2012-05-25
Packaged: 2017-11-06 00:30:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/412728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Menolly/pseuds/Menolly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wilson's been surfing the 'net again, and House has been watching the promos, a crack/meta fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	House Care

**Title:** House Care  
 **Characters:** House  & Wilson  
 **Rating:** PG  
 **Spoilers:** For 8.18 - Body & Soul and promo for 8.19  
 **Words:** Approx 820  
 **Summary:** Wilson's been surfing the 'net again, and House has been watching the promos, a crack/meta fic.

 

House let himself into his apartment to find Wilson sitting on the couch, frowning at his laptop. House approached him cautiously, Wilson had been in a foul mood ever since the diagnosis.

"It's their fault, you know." Wilson was pointing at the screen. "These people and their obsession with sick!Wilson."

"Your paranoia is showing, Wilson. I hardly think that the Powers to Be are surfing the 'net looking for their next great idea."

Wilson laughed, "oh you think they don't? What about the long lost child thing? Where do you think they got _that_ idea from?"

House had to concede that he had a point there.

"Well, they don't seem to be very happy about it anyway," House said, sitting down beside Wilson and, quickly reading the screen, "there are lots of complaints here."

"Oh, they're only complaining because they think I might _die_. They love me so much that they don't want me to die. They're apparently okay with me suffering for a while, because then you can comfort me, and if I'm really lucky you can nurse me back to health."

"Well, there are certain advantages to you being sick... " House said before he could censor himself. Wilson stared at him, with his most frozen look of disapproval .

"Such as... " he said coldly.

"Well, you're dressing much less formally these days," House gestured at Wilson's tee shirt and his bare forearms. Especially his bare forearms.

"You think it's okay that I'm sick because you get to see me in a tee shirt?"

Well, when he put it that way it did sound a little bit selfish, House had to concede.

"Look, it's going to be fine. You're not going to die. You have a stage II thymoma, no big deal."

Wilson brightened a little, "yes, I guess you're right. I haven't lost a thymoma patient yet. Surgery is the usual treatment, we can get Chase to do it - he's the best surgeon in the hospital after all."

House eyed him guiltily, wondering whether to say anything or not. Deciding against it he stood back up and moved towards the door. Hopefully Wilson would be too preoccupied with the computer to notice what House was doing.

"What have you go there?" Wilson shrieked at him. Damn, so much for that plan. House paused in the act of wheeling in the heart monitor. Wilson was staring at the IV stand, and the portable oxygen set-up. "What on Earth is this all for?"

"Oh, just," House waved his hand vaguely at it, "just some experimental, radical treatment for your early stage cancer, which has as much chance of killing you as the cancer does. Nothing important."

"And it's here because...."

"Well, you know, you hate hospitals."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do. So we're going to do it here."

Wilson looked around the small apartment, noting that the floor wasn't the cleanest and everything could do with a good dust.

"Here?"

"Yes, on the couch," House set up the IV stand suggestively near Wilson.

"On the couch? Don't you have a bed?"

"Apparently not. I don't know why you're complaining, I had to do mine in the bathtub."

"Yes, and look how well that turned out!"

"Well, I didn't die," House pointed out, "and neither will you. Now lie down."

"I'm not going through with this. You're the insane risk taker, not me, I'm the sensible one of the couple."

"Couple?" House cocked his head, looking at Wilson appraisingly.

Wilson blushed, "not in a romantic sense you understand. When I say couple, I just mean two people, two people who are really close friends, not..."

"Sure you do." House fiddled with the oxygen mask, "look, you need to do this. It's in the script." He knew it was, he'd bribed the writer with a small fortune to put it in there.

Wilson waved his arms around for a while and then gave up, shaking his head as he sunk down onto the couch and House began to hook him up to the equipment.

"Now, don't worry, this won't hurt much," House said as he inserted the canula and set the infusion going.

"It won't hurt _much_?"

"Well, you might have trouble breathing, and get tachycardic, and you'll probably cough up blood because that's popular this year, but don't worry" House stared straight into Wilson's fearful eyes, "whatever happens, I'll be here for you."

"And I won't die?" Wilson asked, staring back at his friend.

"No, you won't die," House said reassuringly. Then he paused for a moment, a thoughtful look coming over his face. "But if you do, can I have the Taurus?"


End file.
